Tightrope Tuesday: Brimming with Words and Trying to Relate

The college applications are in (except for CUNY schools, due 2/1) and we’ve moved onto the financial aid stage. I’ve filled out the federal form, but I’m confused about the CSS profile from the College Board (AKA: Highway Robbers.) Is it necessary, and why? It is expensive, or course – because it they could, the College Board would charge you for the air you breathe while taking the SATs.

I’m also moving towards the end of my latest novel. An exciting time, but also hard because when I’m in that zone, it’s hard to think about anything else. Imagine trying to live in two worlds at once. Something’s going to suffer.

Then there’s my younger son, Casey. I feel like I should be giving him more attention.

I took the kids to see RENT recently, and Casey loved it (yea!) This, after he practically had to be shanghaied to go. We’re going to watch the movie this weekend.

And I took him shoe shopping.

Other than that, Casey prefers to be with his friends – either on-line or in person. I guess this is normal, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m doing something wrong.

With Michael, it’s so easy. We can laugh at anything together. We both love Hard Core Pawn, and have a plan to journey to Detroit (the heart of Detroit’s 8 Mile, to be exact) to see American Jewelry and Loan in person. I want to meet Les Gold, the owner. I don’t even know why, but I do. I just love that show. And the great thing is, Michael’s down for it, too. We want to bring things to sell, and we’ve got a plan. We have to bring them all in separately, because if you bring it all together you get an offer for the lot, which is never enough.

These are the things we talk about. What do you talk about with your kids?

Casey, on the other hand, would never be up for a road trip to Detroit. He wouldn’t even entertain such a discussion.

My kids are so different.

It’s not that I don’t relate with Casey, but the relating seems to come in dribs and drabs, while it’s always there with Michael. But I do have a rapport with Casey – and he knows he can always talk to me, no judgments.

What can I do but take it day by day? I’m not complaining – I’m just unloading my brain, and possibly not very coherently, I’m afraid.

It’s hard to walk this tightrope of parenthood – and even harder with all these novel thoughts brimming from my soul.

But I’m grateful for everything.

Tightrope Tuesday: College Applications and Hard Core Pawn

It is a trying time for me as I feel pressure to get my novel done, do that mothering stuff, and help my son Michael wrap up his college applications. My problem is that I take everything so seriously, and I worry a lot. I don't want to, but I tend to assume the role of Atlas, holding up the world. Meanwhile, the world could probably hold itself up if I let go. But how can I take the chance?

So, to get some relief, I watched three episodes of Hard Core Pawn with Michael.

 Wow, it's as if these people opened a business just to get cursed out by would-be customers. I guess it's editing, but it seems like pretty much every person who walks in takes issue with the owners. Security is always escorting someone out.

It's good for a laugh.

The old me wouldn't have wasted ninety minutes watching the show. But I've learned from my son that you can take some down time and still be productive. In fact, you can be more productive if you let loose and laugh a little.

I find that I learn something from everything. There's a lot about human nature in Hard Core Pawn. When people are desperate, their true selves are exposed.  I would hope not to act like these people in their situation, but then again - I would not be in their situation. It shows you that limited means lead you up against a brick wall.

This show should be screened at college fairs, to show kids what waits for them if they don't pursue an education.

So while I'm thinking about it, let me acknowledge my gratitude to the universe that we can sit back and watch the madness of Hard Core Pawn without being party to it.

I'm doing a pretty good job. Maybe one day I'll let go of the world and see what happens - or at least try holding it up with only one hand.