Tightrope Tuesday: Brimming with Words and Trying to Relate

The college applications are in (except for CUNY schools, due 2/1) and we’ve moved onto the financial aid stage. I’ve filled out the federal form, but I’m confused about the CSS profile from the College Board (AKA: Highway Robbers.) Is it necessary, and why? It is expensive, or course – because it they could, the College Board would charge you for the air you breathe while taking the SATs.

I’m also moving towards the end of my latest novel. An exciting time, but also hard because when I’m in that zone, it’s hard to think about anything else. Imagine trying to live in two worlds at once. Something’s going to suffer.

Then there’s my younger son, Casey. I feel like I should be giving him more attention.

I took the kids to see RENT recently, and Casey loved it (yea!) This, after he practically had to be shanghaied to go. We’re going to watch the movie this weekend.

And I took him shoe shopping.

Other than that, Casey prefers to be with his friends – either on-line or in person. I guess this is normal, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m doing something wrong.

With Michael, it’s so easy. We can laugh at anything together. We both love Hard Core Pawn, and have a plan to journey to Detroit (the heart of Detroit’s 8 Mile, to be exact) to see American Jewelry and Loan in person. I want to meet Les Gold, the owner. I don’t even know why, but I do. I just love that show. And the great thing is, Michael’s down for it, too. We want to bring things to sell, and we’ve got a plan. We have to bring them all in separately, because if you bring it all together you get an offer for the lot, which is never enough.

These are the things we talk about. What do you talk about with your kids?

Casey, on the other hand, would never be up for a road trip to Detroit. He wouldn’t even entertain such a discussion.

My kids are so different.

It’s not that I don’t relate with Casey, but the relating seems to come in dribs and drabs, while it’s always there with Michael. But I do have a rapport with Casey – and he knows he can always talk to me, no judgments.

What can I do but take it day by day? I’m not complaining – I’m just unloading my brain, and possibly not very coherently, I’m afraid.

It’s hard to walk this tightrope of parenthood – and even harder with all these novel thoughts brimming from my soul.

But I’m grateful for everything.

A true "Tightrope Tuesday"

            Today is the perfect example of “walking the tightrope.” There’s no heat in my house (too long a story.) My older son and I have to meet with his third guidance counselor (first was laid off by budget cuts, second was the head of the department - filling in, and third just arrived. This is what we dream of during senior year.) And my younger son came home distraught last night because he was Snooky, wearing heels, and his friends didn’t wait up for him while trick-or-treating. My poor baby.

            At the doctor yesterday, I worked on a particularly challenging paragraph from my current manuscript while sitting in a gown on the examining table. I knew this would be my only time to write.

            There was an order deadline for my son’s senior pictures if I wanted to get a discount, and so there I was at 11 pm last night discussing my package picks with a representative. Joy.

            I won’t even tell you about the laundry I have in my room – the summer clothes in the drawers and the winter clothes, well, not in the drawers...

            And now, the piece I intended to post on this blog – about an incident my kids and I experienced in France – is hiding. I can’t find it in my files or on my back-up or on my e-mail. I’m sure it’s there – I’m just rushing. Nevertheless, here I am trying to write something for you when I need to get dressed (and did I mention my house is like a refrigerator?)

            So it really is “Tightrope Tuesday.”

            But I did manage to make a good dinner last night. As long as you chop up a lot of garlic, you can rock a meal.

            I have to run now. My apologies. I will make it up to you. Maybe I can find the piece later.

            To end on the positive, I will say that I’m grateful for everything, including my problems, because it’s a privilege to be alive. I’m not unhappy – I just occasionally wish I could “stop the clock.” 

            We did manage to get our annual pumpkin picking in last week with my dear friend Pascale and her kids, Tommy and Amanda (who are cousins with my kids, through their fathers.) We packed what used to be a day’s activity into an hour because of our hectic schedules.

            Here’s to happy times, abridged as they may be.

            Cheers!