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I'm an author spreading the words. Read about my books at www.SeleneCastrovilla.com

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Hokey Pokey Wednesday: On Heading Down the Aisle

In a stunning reversal of opinion, I’m now in favor of marriage.

In the past, the thing that most upset me about marriage was the coldness of the institution – the contractualness of it. I was all about “love.” How dare a contract be involved!

Now, I’m all about marriage because it’s a business agreement. Why shouldn’t there be a contract? It doesn’t mean love isn’t involved. It just means that both people are investing into something. There are obligations – and consequences if the contract is broken. As well there should be!

So many people are living together now. Remember the expression, “Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?” I’m going to straight out say that this hurts women more than men. They are the ones giving more away; they are the ones generally more hurt financially and emotionally than men if the relationship breaks up (I know there are exceptions, but let’s face it, the world is what it is.)

It’s only getting worse, with girls younger and younger throwing themselves on guys and asking for nothing in exchange. Perhaps living together will be passé one day.

It comes down to self-worth. Women need to value themselves more – and I include myself in this statement. We deserve the protection and validation of marriage. Yes, I dare say “validation,” because it’s an acknowledgement of our importance and a genuine commitment.

There is of course a place for love in marriage. But the more important part of marriage is the guarantee of the contract. Many people think nothing of breaking their marriage vows, which is all the more reason for a contract – and a pre-nup!

Yes, everyone should have a pre-nup! Why not? It’s absolutely rational, and necessary.

I thought I was against marriage, but I was really against the misuse of marriage. I’ve come to realize that marriage isn’t the problem: it’s the people who rush into marriage and then think nothing of cheating, or dumping their partner. But there are good marriages – they just don’t get attention because America thrives on gossip. A solid marriage does not make for titillating gossip. How dull.

I do still maintain that it's too easy to get married. You should have to do as much paperwork to get married as you do to get divorced. No one would jump into a frivolous marriage if that were the case!

So, to recap, I now declare that marriage is a good thing. As is the protection that a marriage contract provides.

What can I say? It’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind.


  1. Wow! Selene this is stunning.

    "I thought I was against marriage, but I was really against the misuse of marriage."

    I've seen some incredibly good ones. I think every man or women who get to be 90 will long for the sort of relationship my parents have. (68 years together) I'm sure it wasn't easy getting there but well worth it now. (It wasn't so bead getting there either.)

    1. Thanks, Joyce! That's awesome about your parents! You have a pretty cool marriage, too. Actually, it's writing friends like you who have shown me the bright side of marriage :)

  2. Good to hear Selene! And I totally agree that solid marriages don't get the press they deserve. One thing I've learned- it's never 50/50. It's 70/30, 80/20, and sometimes 90/10 with either wives or husbands shouldering the larger number depending on the need. We never had a pre-nup. Too broke to get one when we got married and now, the most valuable thing we share is our feelings for each other, so no need!

    1. Dale, Your feelings for each other are priceless! Like I just wrote to Joyce, I've learned much about good marriages from writing friends like you

  3. "You should have to do as much paperwork to get married as you do to get divorced." Now that is a great idea! I, too, believe in marriage. Dave and I will celebrate our 45th anniversary in just nine days. It's been a good ride.

  4. I couldn't agree more with you, Selene, when you say people rushing into marriages think nothing of cheating on their partner. I think if they're willingly being impulsive (or just not thinking enough) while forming a bond, there is a high chance that they will end up impulsive when they see the light of the 'open door'.

    1. Exactly, Karan! And unfortunately our society encourages that behavior. Watching celebrities jumping in and out of marriages (and beds) doesn't help, either. What a shame.